...to greater things? I dunno.

    All I know is that I love to write. And naturally, because I am a writer and a geek, I learned to love to blog. Multiply was a great outlet to start with. And now, after months and months of consideration (because I'm a freak like that), thrown in with a little envy of blogger friends with their own pages, I have my own official blog!

    If you go there now, you'll see one post, the initial hesitant post. I don't know at this point what else there is to put there. But as even this blog did, it'll take its time to develop. Stagnant for months, then ridiculous amounts of activity the next. Hopefully, the thoughts keep trickling in. (I'll figure things out as they come.)


    I've always wanted to write, always called myself a writer, not caring whether I was good or not. And the internet allows me the freedom to do so. Don't you love it?

    Multiply friends, won't you come for a visit on my Wordpress blog sometimes? :)

    Payday is always fun. ALWAYS.

    ATMs newly-filled with paper money, crisp, fresh and still smelling of ink is material heaven! And having some of that money is greed satisfied. I'd think I'd be able to splurge again! - even if just for that day. It's a temporary relief from financial straints, but still a much-anticipated relief.

    And sometimes, there are even the cute little surprises that add to the payday thrill:

    Nothing I'd kill for. But teehee it's cute, noh?

And here I write an open letter to everyone.
    I'd just like to let this all out. I've been on the receiving end of more and more and mooooooore crap about this, I list:

* People seem to base their conclusions on the fact that they don't see me eat. So to make it easy for all of you: Just because you all don't see me eat, doesn't mean I don't.

    1. I eat my lunch alone. It's a 1 hour lunch break and eating takes only like the first 10 minutes. The rest of the time, I read my book, I have coffee, I smoke. So if you run into me then, do the math.

    2. People make such a big deal when they see me eat. When we go out. When we're at a friend's house. IT'S GETTING RIDICULOUS. (I honestly don't know anyone else who gets a reaction like "Uy WOW himala kumakain si Jewel!!!" whenever they eat.)

*And because I "don't eat," they think I don't eat because it's clinical.

    3. While we're on the topic of Please Leave Me Alone, I'd like to say, yet again, that unless you are a doctor, you cannot fucking diagnose Anorexia Nervosa. You cannot just say to someone nonchalantly "Anorexic ka siguro." Actually, you can't say that to anyone. Ever.
       A. It's offensive. And insulting.
       B. It's offensive and insulting.
       C. Do you go up to old bald people and say "May cancer ka siguro."?

    4. In the same way that you don't go up to a fat person and state "Ang taba mo" like they have no right to be, you don't say to a skinny person "And payat mo." like it's wrong.


    You know all these shows that say you should love yourself no matter how "full figured" you are? (Oo, no matter how annoying Tyra is, she has a point.) Well, I hope they made shows that say you should love yourself no matter how "skinny" you are. So people can see that it's about as difficult for people like me! What with all the bullshit I've been receiving from people?! KASI NAMAN O. People are stupid enough to think that just because I'm on the other side of that fence on skinny vs. fat, it's okay to point it out every single minute of every single day and it's okay to accuse me of an eating disorder. Well, READ ME: IT ISN'T.

    I know I'm a movie geek. But are you?

    These are lines from a handful of my favoritest movies EVER, and some lines from movies I simply watched over and over and over again for entertainment value. Favorite movies for different reasons. Some, because they hit me hard and tell me Holy fuck this really is what life is. And others just because they're fun to watch when there's nothing else on TV, and I've watched them like a gajillion times.

    Stole the idea from a meme for which I was never tagged for. It originally demanded 15 movies, but I ran out of decent ones after 11. So whatever. 11 movies. 11 movie lines. No hints. That would totally kill the game. :D

    Name that tune! Or, I mean, line.


1. Thank you. My name is Jane.
    --- Zdidzzzz got this one! (Finally someone did. LOL.)
    --- I can't believe you guys didn't get this: Closer. You know? Clive Owen: Tell me your real name! Natalie Portman: My name is Jane. Owen [gives her more money and says]: TELL ME YOUR REAL NAME, ALICE! Portman: Thank you. My name is Jane. Or something like that. For the guys: This was where Portman was in a pink wig, a bra and g-string.


2. I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean a girl just can't go to Sing Sing with a green face.
    --- Jake
    --- Breakfast at Tiffany's. With the wonderful Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly. If I'd put the line "How do I look?" Or "I am a very stylish girl." would it have been easier to guess? :)


3. December 24th, 1989, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time. From here on in, I shoot without a script. See if anything comes of it, instead of my old shit.
    --- SheenahBananah gets this one!
    --- RENT. Love love love Rent. 525,600 minutes a year. :)


4. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco.
    --- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! LOL. GinoKalbo a.k.a. Macho Mean Girls Fanatic got this na.
    --- Mean Girls. As quoted from Damian "too gay to function", dressed as Santa Claus handing out candy canes. (None for Gretchen Wieners.)


5. Harold, I'm gonna be on Television.
    --- Yay for Jake! You are like the 2nd person I know who knows this movie. LOL.
    --- Requiem for a Dream. ADDICTION. I'm addicted to this movie.


6. I'm the coleslaw king of the world!
    --- # 2 for Jake!
    --- Never Been Kissed, is right. I was a lil one when I first watched this movie. Josie was a grossie and we all loved her, right? Classic but nicely done makeover movie. :)


7. It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I'm sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin'. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting.
    --- Gino C. ulit.
    --- Kill Bill Vol. 1. I miss watching this movie. I only watched it like 10 times, but not in the past few months I think.


8. If you must know, yes. I can't stand that holier-than-thou bullshit, and yet, I'm completely infatuated with her.
    --- Sheeeenah! (Number 3.) Got it right!
    --- Cruel Intentions. Sarah Michelle Gellar rocked this role before her career failed her.


9. And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
    --- Gino C. got it din. You watch too many movies, man.
    --- Almost Famous. Semi-autobiographical movie DAW ni Cameron Crowe. I love this movie. I have the original VCD which I still watch every once in a while. You know me and rockstars. Haha.


10. They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?
    --- Gino Anti & Miya.
    --- Richard Linklater's Waking Life. Watched this movie on WOWOW! If only them old people realized that they showed movies like this there, too.


11. One hundred and sixteenth and Broadway! Thank you, mirror!
    --- Perry/Sheenah got it! (Number 2 for her!)
    --- Enchanted. A Disney movie, a musical. I girly, fantasy, lovey dovey movie. Only watch it when you're in the mood for cheese and mush the typical Disney way. ;p  I do. So, I love it.


Leave a comment, a reply, an answer. Thank you! I hope you guys are up for the challenge. :)

    Somebody told me that dyeing your hair can get addictive. Once you have it done, you're going to want it again and again.

    Let's see:

Me, 2 months ago, with newly dyed hair:


A perfect excuse to camwhore, too

     My hair was essentially a virgin before this -- just highlights done once like a hundred million years ago and never a dye job. My hair was brown, always brown. Suffice it to say, I so loved my new look. I still do! This bright new hair color for the first timer like me, of course I love it! I have semi-red-orangey hair now!
 
    Except... 2 months later, the roots are only just starting to show and it's bothering me a teeny bit.

    So what do I do?

    Why, I start fantasizing about the new hair color I want, of course.

Thank you, Paramore.

  I no longer want red-orangey hair. I want FLAMING RED hair.

    It makes me think: Would getting myself a tattoo make me react the same way? We'll see about that, too. ;)

    After months and months of cyclic destinations: Biñan - Alabang - Biñan - Alabang - Parañaque - Biñan - Alabang and going nowhere much else, I had finally decided to go back to Metro Manila for the day and rendezvoused with my cousin for a much-awaited coffee-slash-(window?-)shopping date. I was thrilled. I missed her and I missed Manila. The day was fun, and funky, and just like old times.

    Alas, it was not to be a perfect day.

    Halfway, into our expedition around Shangri-La mall, we ran into what we could call an (unfortunate and questionable) expansion of a certain (much-loved by some, much-loathed by most) brand, and you can say I was less than thrilled.


Exhibit A:


I hope you understand that I only googled the image.
I was too embarassed to whip out my camera right there and then for fear of being mistaken as an avid fan of their "items".


CROCS MOBILE PHONE HOLDERS!? WTF?


     Knowing Crocs though, the horror does NOT stop there. Searching for the image presented above online provided me with multiple examples of this new product, more than they had at the store at the time, and more than I had wanted to see. And I share my discovery with you.


Your honor, I present, Exhibit B:

Eeew. Jibbit (Gibbet? Gilbert? Jibbet? WHAT?) thingies.

    And I thought the worst was over when those fur-lined atrocities came out.

    It takes me a while to warm up to people. It really does.

    This is because it's hard for me to completely trust people. And when I'm let down, I don't know how to react. I don't like being angry, or disappointed.

For one -- The secrets!!!
I don't like gossip when it involves a friend.
If it does, I defend him/her if (I think) I know better, which I did.
But if this "gossip" comes from a common friend (or a reliable source who won't just make up shit), and it is then TRUE beyond reasonable doubt,

Then that PISSES ME OFF.

It pisses me off that I heard the news from someone who wasn't even directly connected and was only a firsthand witness.
It pisses me off that people are asking me, expecting me to know (and I'd have thought I would, too!), and I don't. So I said, no it can't be true and I defended her.
And it pisses me off that despite all the times when she could have told me/us, she said nothing. We talked about everything BUT. And when THAT subject was brought up, an opportunity to tell us, nothing would come up about the story itself, even after it had already happened.
YES, she is not obliged to tell me everything that happens to her or to announce it to everyone especially, but it's different when she actually lies outright to deny it, to keep it from people. To keep it from us? Or from me.

But what pisses me off even more is that I thought I knew you well enough. And I thought you would have told me. And I defended you. And I was WRONG.


I AM PISSED, also beyond reasonable doubt.


For all I know, she told everyone else BUT me. But that's another story.
We'll see.


Things change. You changed them when I saw this side of you. I'll change, too.

Whew!

I hate hate HATE the downs, but boy, do I love love LOVE the ups.


You just gotta love love.

Chokeholds are only ever good when used for its entertainment value on WWE.

I'm here, but you don't see me.
You're there, but not really.

...

Uy parang forwarded text message lang noh? But sometimes the corny lines are the ones that actually state the truth.

I'm sick of all this emo bullshit.

Grow the fuck up, PLEASE.

    I seem to no longer be in the firm clutches of the Internet.

    My Multiply has gone stagnant. I haven't superpoked anyone in Facebook since forever. My Twitter is with an obvious lack of updates. I still don't know what the hell Plurk is. I haven't seen any new LOLcats. And the last cool web(-related) video I watched was Weezer's Pork and Beans. And it's not even really a web video; it's technically a music video. WTH.
  
    And the worst of it all: my last involvement in a stupid meme (forgive the redundancy) was when I was the victim of a rickroll. That was so 3 weeks ago!

    And this isn't because I didn't have the time. I had time. I just never turned on the computer. And I log in onto everything online everyday. Even when I don't have anything new to put up. It's just what I do. And now it's... not.

    What the hell is happening to me? Am I... Am I... Dare I say it? Am I... no longer a geek? :(

     Strange, but I must not have been camwhoring enough lately.

     Wanting to be part of this kickass little project to inspire and announce Filipino pride, I struggled to find a decent solo shot. It took me a while to find one where my face wasn't scrunched up in a weird way or it wasn't stuck right next to Mico's. Hehe.

     Well, I'm all for Filipino pride -- So fuck vanity!


The caption says it all, and I love it. :)

You don't go up to a fat friend and say

So you can't come up to me and say


It's offensive. It's hurtful. It's accusatory without needing to be.
*I speak for all the girls out there who can't help but be skinny.

    So far, since Mico left 4 mornings ago, I have been nothing less than immersed in the workplace 9 hours every night, and then some. This count is still not including the handful hours of overtime I volunteered for.

    So far, I have been going to work for 4 days straight. And at least 4 more days straight. That's at least 8 days straight total. (Emphasis on "at least" because we don't have our schedule for May yet. All I know is that I don't have any offs for the rest of April, and who knows when my first off for May will be?). A nearby night/day off work is still nowhere in sight.

    So, GOOD.

    I don't want to have to worry about myself and what to do with my free time. And because I'm not in the mood -- AT ALL -- to make plans, that would mean I'll stay at home and do nothing. And doing nothing is, at this point, the worst thing I can do (or not do).

    There are 2 cliche sayings, and we have a choice as to which one applies. It's either Out of sight, out of mind or Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'd like to think it's the latter that applies to us. Painful, still, it may be, but I'd take that as an alternative to the other any day. There are different kinds and causes to pain, and the latter is, I guess, the warmer, less regrettable kind.

    I don't know how to do this long-distance thing, but I'll give it a shot. We both will.

    Literally, halfway around the world, halfway around different time zones. We're both clueless how to do this. But what the hell, right? We've gone through so much shit already -- and lived to tell the tale!, what's a little more??? :)

    I miss him already. This, mere hours after we dropped him off at the airport. But I know I can count on a text message soon. I still have these little things to look forward to. :)

Everybody's insane. I prefer to be insane.
That would mean no rules, no boundaries, won't give a fuck about what others think.
I refuse to believe there is even such a thing as normal.

(Normal is what's dictated by society. Society in itself is fucked up. Why base "normal" on something that's fucked up?)

Tell me I'm "weird" and I'll take it as a compliment. :)

    My memory is terrible. To the point where the saying "I can remember it like it was yesterday" holds no special meaning for me. There are cases when I can't remember yesterday. Granted, it comes to me after a little time and some effort, but you get me. I have terrible memory.

    Must be all the cigarettes murdering my brain cells.


That being said:

    It's been 1 year to the day since my father died. And I don't remember it just like it was yesterday. I remember it as if it's still just happening right now. I remember every second, every sound. I remember all 5 days he was in the hospital. I remember how the rooms looked and felt. I remember when he was moved from one room to the next. I can't ever forget the date and the time, even. I remember the days and the moments before, as well as the moments after. Every single detail is etched in my mind, for reasons unknown.
    There are so many memories I want to hold on to, memories that I've already lost. So many sights and sounds and feelings I wish I could keep as fresh in my head like they were present, not past. The hospital room, the days leading up to my dad's death is definitely not one of them. And yet, not only are they etched, they seem to be carved -- fossilized! -- into the stone walls of my brain.


*   Still so many questions, and these haunting memories don't want to go the fuck away, but I think I'll be okay.


*    Hey, Pa. I lit candles for you and for the memory of you.

I want to blog. But there is nothing to blog about.



Blog bloggity blog blog blog.
What a funny word.



So here I blog about not being able to blog for lack of potential blog content other than what a fun word it is to read and to say over and over again.







P.S. Will it kill me if I have Oreos for breakfast everyday?

    This is an update of the original "7 deadly sins." Not to disregard the original, but to add to it, say the men in robes.
    Apparently, the Catholic church went modern. And they decided that instead of focusing on merely the individual the way the original 7 did, they felt the need to broaden the scope to include social and global issues as well.

    I, for one, am all for human rights. I'm on the fence with genetic manipulation, and morally debatable experiments are -- exactly that -- debatable. But again, the Catholic church pretends to be the Law. Again, they insist on having the last word on Science.

    And they make it a point to discourage church-goers from wanting to become ridiculously wealthy.

    WHAT. THE. FUCK.


    Follow if you must, all you sheep. I am gonna sit back and watch you all while I accumulate excessive wealth and pollute your environment with cigarette smoke.

Do I tumble dry or simply leave it out on the line to dry? Do I wash it in cold or warm water? Can I dry clean it? Can I iron it?

There were, alas!, no answers to my questions. All that pullover hoodie had -- in bright red capital letters on the little inside tag -- was this: